the unhappy post.

i have to make a major decision today. when things are pushed and you are really in the situation that you spent time hypothesizing, when you are really standing face-to-face with what you believe and the reprecussions that may result, how do you honestly follow what you know in your heart is just? am i willing to sacrifice a little bit of me, accept any reprecussions, and do what i think is right? or will i strink away? do i have reason enough to back down? is there a rational decision in the end? probably not. this is going to be something i'll have to follow my heart with. "rock and hard place" decisions often are, i suppose. i apologize, as after re-reading that, it couldn't be more cryptic. i want to avoid details if i can...

that aside, the last couple weeks have been fairly difficult for me. i'm not sure if i'm just so consumed by this situation, or if things have just been actually more difficult, but it feels nearly impossible to breathe sometimes. i feel so overwhelmed by my feelings. my heart just feels broken, as if someone is constantly dropping it. i just keep waiting for this moment to pass.


"...and it was at that moment that i realized how lonely i felt: crowded, in a subway, with a million people crammed into the little car. how could i have felt so lonely when there were so many people around me? how could i feel alone in my heart when i know in my head there's nothing further from the truth? nonetheless, i did. i felt alone. and i wanted you...."