I'M FREEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

or close to it for thirteen days.

goodbye MA. hello sleep!

two days left...

down to the wire...please, oh, please, i hope this paper gets done today...

so the paper didn't get done today. i acutally had major issues with the comparison part. so i decided to stop. i'll work on it tomorrow. hopefully.

i want to go home. it's nearly Christmas.

i posted pics of the dept holiday party on flickr. check it out.

fouc-me? no, fouc-ault!

okay, i'm at 14 pages and i need at least 6 more to fulfill my required page length, but i'm having difficulty writing about Use of Pleasure. and i still need to "make an argument" :-P. as if i cared. the paper's a mess. like, it will need at least a day of revisions and careful thought. stupid theory. if this class was supposed to help me like theory, it failed miserably.


wish me luck - i'm hoping to wrap this sucker up so i can go home on wednesday rather than thursday or friday. [crosses fingers]

sad sign of the times

guess i can't move back now... and delaware isn't even all that great.

it might be true this year:


http://www.phdcomics.com/comics/archive.php?comicid=799

this weekend.

so there is less than two weeks left in the semester. hooray! i meet with members of my committee this week about my paper. i have MY LAST THEORY CLASS on tuesday. the holiday party is on wednesday.

my theory paper is coming along. i need to finish the section on "use of pleasure" (it's foucault and not some sex advice book...) and then do some serious revision on the whole paper (i.e. basically rewrite it). that'll be pleasant. i have until the 20th. THANK GOODNESS.

i went Christmas shopping on friday with the most awesome roommate ever. i got my running shoes (see flickr - thanks mom and dad) and evan's Christmas presents, oh and gift wrap AND some other things i'd run out of. saturday was the usual game night. i ended up kicking ass in scattergories, although not for a lack of trying on the others' part.

so, that's my boring life...

HOPE

from Wikipedia
Hope is an emotional belief in a positive outcome related to events and circumstances within one's personal life. Hope implies a certain amount of perseverance — ie. believing that a positive outcome is possible even when there is some evidence to the contrary. Beyond the basic definition, usage of the term hope follows some basic patterns which distinguish its usage from related terms:

[*] Hopefulness is somewhat different than optimism, in that hope is an emotional state, where optimism is a conclusion reached through a deliberate thought pattern which leads to a positive attitude. But hope and optimism both can be based in unrealistic belief, or fantasy.

[*] Hope is often the result of faith, in that while hope is an emotion, faith carries a divinely-inspired and informed form of positive belief. Hope is typically contrasted with despair, but despair may also refer to a crisis of faith, or otherwise an ignorance thereof. Hence, when used in religious context, hope carries a connotation being aware of spiritual truth. (In some religions, despair itself is considered to be a sin; see Hope (virtue)).

[*] Hope is distinct from positive thinking, which refers to a therapeutic or systematic process used in psychology for reversing pessimism.

[*] The term false hope refers to a hope based entirely around a fantasy or an extremely unlikely outcome.
Examples of hopes include hoping to get rich, hoping for someone to be cured of a disease, hoping to be done with a term paper, or hoping that a person has reciprocal feelings of love. An example of false hope would be hoping for the ability to fly.


Hope was personified in Greek mythology as Elpis. When Pandora opened Pandora's Box, she let out all the evils except one: Hope. Apparently the Greeks considered Hope to be as dangerous as all the world's evils. But without hope to accompany all their troubles, humanity was filled with despair. It was a great relief when Pandora revisited her box and let out hope as well. It may be worthy to note that in the story, Hope is represented as weakly leaving the box but is in effect far more potent than any of the major evils.

Hope is passive in the sense of a wish or a prayer - or active as a plan or idea, often against popular belief, with persistent, personal action to execute the plan or prove the idea. Consider a prisoner of war who never gives up hope for escape and, against the odds, plans and accomplishes this. By contrast another who simply wishes or prays for freedom, or another who give up all hope of freedom.


-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
hmm, interesting.

snow!

12/5 the first snowfall of the year: it snowed a little yesterday (december 5th - it almost always snows on december 5th for me...). nothing much, just a dusting of powder snow, but it was nice to see. it's been so cold the last few days. i'm not complaining, mind you. but i need to find better gloves.

oh, and with the freezing temperatures has come a wonderful car experience. during my trip home, the windshield of my car started to get condensation on it. not on the outside - that's too easy - on the inside. ev bought me some shammies to help clean it off so i don't have to wait for that. wonderful. but now it's freezing out. water + temperatures <32 degrees = FROST ON THE INSIDE OF MY WINDSHIELD, which == FANTASTIC. i don't have to scrape the OUTSIDE of the window, mostly just the INSIDE. yeah, pretty much.

i can't wait for february, when i plan to get my new car. yay new car!!!

i looked online for jobs in delaware last night. i think i'm overqualified for many jobs with my useless soon-to-be sociology MA. what the hell was i thinking??? if you hear of something that might work for me, please let me know...

it is very windy today. and cold.

big thanks to mr. winter for showing up, late, without much warning, and on a day after 63 degree weather. much appreciated.

twenty days left...

there are twenty days left in the semester. i've almost finished my fourth draft of my comps paper. oh yes, fourth draft. the first two really weren't that good, so i shoudl say it's the second real draft, but whatever. i've started my theory paper. i have a (crappy) introduction and the first sentence of the first section. that's two hole pages! just 18 more to go. i talked to the prof about how strict the page length is, she said, not really strict, but she didn't mean it. she went on to say that i really need to try and stretch myself.

in other news, i thought zoe had a cat cold. apparently not. i took her to the vet. $42 later, she doesn't sneeze or cough. she just scowls at dr. ricksger and her assistant. oh well. at least she's not sick.

Need You Now

Time for me to step out of the water
Time for me to just loose my hold
And its time for me to leave here all that I've hoped for
Could you take me where I need to go
I am waiting for your love
I am reaching for you touch
Lost without you God reach down
I need you now, I need you now

When the Rain Comes

When the rain comes
it seems that everyone has gone away
When the night falls
you wonder if you shouldn't find someplace
To run and hide
Escape the pain
But hiding's such a lonely thing to do

I can't stop the rain
From falling down on you again
I can't stop the rain
But I will hold you 'til it goes away

When the rain comes
you blame it on the things that
you have done
When the storm fades
you know that rain must fall
on everyone
So Rest awhile
It'll be alright
No one loves you like I do

I can't stop the rain
From falling down on you again
I can't stop the rain
But I will hold you 'til it goes away

I can't stop the rain
From falling down on you again
I can't stop the rain
But I will hold you 'til it goes away

When the rain comes
I will hold you

regarding getting work done

officemate: you need to come over and *kick* *my* *ass*
me: how do you propose i kick your ass?
officemate: physically. literally *kick* *my* *ass*

BLEH

so i finished outlining foucault's history i. 15 pages of notes later and i'm still not sure what to write about. i still need to re-read use of pleasure, also. i woke up the other night at 4:30am thinking of how i want to write my paper. and then i fell back asleep. i really wish i had gotten up to write something down. 4:30 is an awful time to be writing, but if you've got the inspiration, you should take advantage of it. especially with foucault.

i've actually have been doing that a lot lately. i'll wake up at 1, 2, or 3 am with this GENIUS thought about my paper(s) or work but i'm too tired to actually do something about it. of course, these things might not be genius at all. it's highly probable that i'm just dreaming that these things are good when in reality it makes no sense. in any event, i plan to start leaving paper by my alarm clock in the slight chance that something else comes to me at 3am. who knows - maybe i could write my foucault paper in my sleep. it's probably just the way he wrote his nonsense.

Good Enough

Under your spell again.
I can't say no to you.
Crave my heart and it's bleeding in your hand.
I can't say no to you.

Shouldn't have let you torture me so sweetly.
Now I can't let go of this dream.
I can't breathe but I feel...

Good enough,
I feel good enough for you.

Drink up sweet decadence.
I can't say no to you,
And I've completely lost myself, and I don't mind.
I can't say no to you.

Shouldn't have let you conquer me completely.
Now I can't let go of this dream.
Can't believe that I feel...

Good enough,
I feel good enough.
It's been such a long time coming, but I feel good.

And I'm still waiting for the rain to fall.
Pour real life down on me.
'Cause I can't hold on to anything this good enough.
Am I good enough for you to love me too?

So take care what you ask of me,
'cause I can't say no.

dear mother nature

stop screwing with the thermostat. why is it november 8th and i saw someone (not unreasonably) wearing SHORTS and FLIP FLOPS to class? in case you forgot to switch your season over, it's autumn and damn near december, so c'mon. it's not supposed to be in the mid-60s in Massachusetts. it makes the people who appreciate the cold (i.e. me) unhappy and very confused. i put a lot of my summer-type clothing away and have out my scarves and hats and gloves, which - need i remind you - i can't wear when it's this warm out.

please correct this problem soon.


sincerely,

the mass adventurer

nothing to really say

today has been a blah day. i did a lot of work though: finished gorski for theory, coded an interview, went to work where i met with a prof about my thesis, (got depressed), ran some tables in stata to answer a few questions regarding my data, ran some more tables to answer more questions about my data, and attempted to outline fou-freaking-cault.

in case you were wondering, "how does carla feel about foucault?" i think he's a bastard and i hate his writings. i'm not a fan of how obscurely he writes. someone suggested that it's part of his deal - that he writes obscurely because he's critique the power inherent in the ways academics write. all i have to say on the matter: screw you foucault, screw you.

how to save a life...

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

the countdowns....

i apologize for the self-pity post yesterday.

i'm super excited and crazy freaked out. it's november first. this means several things:

1) lauren comes to mass in two days

2) 17 days until i get to come home

3) 19 days until i get to see this guy

4) i'm not nearly as far along with my project as i need to be. i have two meetings next week, though, so i should make more progress

5) i need to start thinking about chirstmas presents (any hints/suggestion appreciated).

6) oh! and mid-term elections are in 6 days. here's hoping that deval gets it together.

the marriage casualities

okay, i'm at that age where all my friends (from hs or college) are getting engaged or married. congrats. i am sincerely happy for you and wish you lifelong happiness.

okay, now i'll rant. did you all conspire to get married/engaged within a few months of each other? honestly?! let's look at the total THIS YEAR ALONE (2006):
February: 1 wedding
June: 1 wedding
July: 1 wedding
August: 2 engagements
September: 1 wedding
October: 2 weddings, 1 engagement

i know we're all at that age when people get engaged and married, but c'mon!!!! i wish i had something nice to say about that, but i think i'll just go sulk in my office some more. i'll show them when i'm a ph.d. and making money. with my fabulous job. and living with my cat. in a wonderful apartment overlooking the better end of boston.

or something like that.


i guess i just didn't see my life at this point being like this. i like what i do. i love research and academia most of the time, but sometimes it feels like there's a whole bunch of my life missing. careers are awesome, but it seems like there has to be more than just a stupid job in a stupid university. before you give me the "but you're only 23" lecture, i know. just let me feel sorry for myself at finding another friend of mine is engaged.

"linus and lucy"

i started to listen to christmas music today. i needed some music with good cheer. i know it's not even halloween yet, but at least there's no tree in my apt nor have i hung lights. i just wanted a little music to make my day a little more smiley. i promise to not torture anyone else with my early holiday cheer.

currently on my itunes player: a charlie brown christmas.

thanks feet lovers

so i just had to make my photo of my freshly painted toes from this spring "private" because of the um, let's say impolite comments. and the fact that it's been viewed like 181 times. yeah, okay. i don't want someone i don't know using my feet photo as some sort of foot-fetish porn. take your own pictures of your feet buddy.

in other news, i went to the pumpkin festival in keene, NH yesterday. my first visit to NH and i have to say it was quite pleasant. i love new england, if i haven't mentioned that before. anyway, there were like, thousands of carved pumpkins on display in the town and lots of food (because, really, what's a festival without food) INCLUDING pumpkin pie! YUM! i'm so glad it's that time of year where there'll be turkey and stuffing and pies! a little over a month until i get to go home for turkey day. i miss home a lot. but i digress. after dusk, they started lighting all the pumpkins. it was really lovely. i also got to spend the day with two of my sociology buddies. it was a good time.

i saw "the prestige" on friday - you have to see it. amazing movie. emjay and i saw it before going to get some yummy sushi from arigato's (i love that place!). i owe her for cheering me up :-).

I Am (n. nordeman)

Pencil marks on a wall
I wasn't always this tall,
You scattered some monsters from beneath my bed,
You watched my team win,
You watched my team lose,
You watched when my bicycle went down again,

And When I was weak unable to speak,
still I could call You by name,
and I said “Elbow healer, Superhero,
come if You can,” and You said “I am”

Only 16, life is so mean, what kind of curfew is at ten PM
You saw my mistakes, You watched my heart break
Heard when I swore I’d never love again

When I was weak, unable to speak,
still I could call You by name,
and I said “Heart-ache Healer, Secret-keeper,
be my Best Friend” and You said “I am”

You saw me wear white, by pale candlelight,
I said forever to what lies ahead
two kids and a dream, with kids that can scream
too much it might seem when it’s two AM

when I am weak, unable to speak,
still I will call You by name.
“Oh Shepherd, Savior, Pasture-maker,
hold on to my hand,” and You say “I am.”

The winds of change,
And circumstance blow in and all around
us so we find a foothold that’s familiar,
And bless the moments that we feel You nearer
Life had begun, I was woven and spun,
You let the angels dance around the throne, who can say when,
But they’ll dance again, when I am free and finally headed home

I will be weak, unable to speak,
still I will call You by name
“Creator, Maker, Life-sustainer,
Comforter, Healer, My Redeemer,
Lord and King, Beginning and
the End, I am, yes, I am.”

(warning a melancholic post)

my bday is tomorrow. despite feeling very unexcited about it (my special someone can't be here this weekend if i want to see him in november AND i hate the idea of being 23, even though nice people try to reassure me that it's not old. i know it is.), i will try to enjoy it. i plan to sleep in, do minimal amount of work, sleep some more, go to the gym, shower and go to dinner. i'm having dinner with some friends at osaka, a japanese steakhouse in town. we're eating at a hibachi table, something several of my friends have never done. mj's a little worried about this because she doesn't want to see meat cooked in front of her, but i assume will be okay. not sure what the post-dinner plans are, but i need to be out of my apt for a few hours, for um, reasons that i won't disclose on a public blog. i'm having dinner with ayse on saturday - bertucci's. yum. and that will be the bday weekend. no major partying this year. i guess somehow i' think i might have grown out of that stage. ah, well. it was fun while it lasted.

my friends are all attempting to tell me to not do work tomorrow. it so much a part of my life, my routine now that i'm not sure if i can take a day off. we'll see. i need to work very hard this year. i'm already down to 46 weeks - actually less than that. i only have til the end of july to defend and revisions most certainly must be done by mid-august. otherwise, i will be more than SOL. so much more than that.

(in other news, it's been a hard day because i miss him so much.)

snowball of doom

clearly, this is the highlight of my work day.

nature visits noho

in the most exciting morning i've had in a while, a moose clomped through my apartment complex yesterday. at first i thought it was a small horse, but nope, definitely a moose. fast forward two hours and one town construction truck, one bulldozer, one dump truck, three animal control vehicles (complete with ATVs), all the apartment complex staff (including the sales manager in her high heels), and one police officer, they were able to haul the moose out of the complex and hopefully to a much safer place for all. mufasa was pretty pissed at me, as i wouldn't let him out until i knew what was going on with the visitor.

in other news, i've narrowed down my thesis topic. yay. now, it's just a matter of getting it done. haha, the easy part, right?

why can't it be more like this?

the problems with unisex bathrooms...

we have a unisex bathroom in the building in which i work. it's not so bad. it's not quite ally mcbeal - it's more like we share the space. there are cards on the door that indicate occupancy by females or males (it's usually females because there are only 5 males on the floor). we have the cards because all the bathrooms in the west wing are labelled men and for women to use the bathroom, they have to go to the other wing. anyway. it usually works out. except for the last two weeks for me.

last week, i went to use the bathroom and flipped the card to indicate that a female was in it. i go in. i hear a belt and "oh - the door said men" - i rolled my eyes and exited, having (fortutiously) not seen anything.

and today, just ten minutes ago, i go to use the bathroom again and there's a girl in the doorway. "come on in - you might get a kick out of this." so i go in, thinking there's a small animal or something in there. no. no small animal. there's a small class IN THE BATHROOM. i just wanted to pee.

good grief people. good grief.

paperweight

Been up all night staring at you
wondering what's on your mind
i've been this way with so many before
but this feels like the first time
you want the sunrise to go back to bed
i want to make you laugh
mess up my bed with me
kick off the covers i'm waiting
every word you say i think
i should write down
don't want to forget come daylight
happy to lay here
just happy to lbe here
i'm happy to know you
play me a song
your newest one
please leave your taste on my tongue
paperweight on my back
cover me like a blanket
mess up my bed with me
kick off the covers i'm waiting
every word you say i think
i should write down
don't want to forget come daylight
and no need to worry
that's wastin time
and no need to wonder
what's been on my mind
it's you
it's you
it's you
every word you say i think
i should write down
don't want to forget come daylight
and i give up
i let you win
you win cause i'm not counting
you made it back
to sleep again
wonder what you're dreaming

Hold You in My Arms

When you came to me with your bad dreams and your fears
It was easy to see you'd been crying
Seems like everywhere you turn catastrophe it reigns
But who really profits from the dying
I could hold you in my arms
I could hold you forever
I could hold you in my arms
I could hold you forever

When you kissed my lips with my mouth so full of questions
My worried mind that you quiet
Place your hands on my face
Close my eyes and say
That love is a poor man's food
Don't prophesize
I could hold you in my arms
I could hold you forever
And I could hold you in my arms
I could hold you forever

So now we see how it is
This fist begets the spear
Weapons of war
Symptoms of madness
Don't let your eyes refuse to see
Don't let your ears refuse to hear
Or you ain't never going to shake this sense of sadness
I could hold you in my arms
I could hold on forever
And I could hold you in my arms
I could hold on forever

quote from my friend...

Writing is a lot like sex.
At first you do it because you like it.
Then you find yourself doing it for a few close friends and people you like.
But if you're any good at all ... you end up doing it for money.

i need to kick it up a notch or i will be screwed. stupid classes - they get in the way.

48 weeks and counting...

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

if grad school doesn't work out, i could get a job writing term papers for idiotic and lazy students.

survival of the first week

this year will be intense. this semester will be more so. i'm a RA (that's RESEARCH assistant, not resident assisant), which is good and i appreciate, but it's a lot of work. i'm taking a silly class in contemporary theory. we're reading freud. in a sociology class. he's a psycho-analyst, in case you were unaware. sociologists are not big fans. what the heck has happened to my world? on top of this, i'm also trying to get my master's done by next August so I can get out of here. this presents a challenge (it's very hard to do in this department) and means i have to work very hard...almost 7 days a week.

the honda is dying and thus i'm making the trip south to swap cars with my dad. i was going to buy a very cute green jetta, but it turns out that a) the guy won't reduce the price, despite the fact that b) it needs about $1000(+ according to preston) in work done to it, c) i still don't have my loan money because UMass sucks monkey balls and enjoys screwing students (ahem - my apologies). so my dad is being amazing and letting me drive the "ninja turtle" (as i will now refer to it). hopefully i'll get a new(er) car before i have to drive 1800 miles. if you know of anything, please let me know. i'm definitely looking.

my birthday is in less than a month. i'm less than thrilled.

If you say go...

If you say go, If you say go

If you say go, we will go
If you say wait, we will wait
If you say step out on the water and they say it can’t be done
We’ll fix our eyes on you and we will come

If you say go, we will go
If you say wait, we will wait
If you say step out on the water and they say it can’t be done
We’ll fix our eyes on you and we will come

Your ways are higher than our ways
And the plans that You have laid are good and true
If You call us to the fire You will not withdraw Your hand
We’ll gaze into the flames and look for You

dear umass,

i hate you and your stupid fees that we grad students cannot afford. this particular grad student especially cannot afford your fees this year because her car is dying and she needs a new one desparately soon. you are slowly killing me financially. so glad i decided to go to grad school.

you suck.

sincerely,
me

and she's moved in!

so, i/we successfully moved. it was a long day that began with some FANTASTIC helpers and ended with a very pooped mass adventurer. we had most everything moved in by 3:30 and went for chinese afterward. after that i went to pack up the rest of my stuff and call it a day. i managed to get a bit of my bedroom together and some of my kitchen stuff unpack (as a sidenote, we have enough dishes and cups to host a party of the entire department...we also have 2-3 of everything for the kitchen). anyway, things are in the process of being moved in.

zoe and mufassa (the roomie's cat) barely acknowledge each other's presence. it's good times.

back to work tomorrow. i have an interview tomorrow afternoon (i think...) and i want to see "invincible" tomorrow night.

yes, we're back together. yes, we're happy. disagree with my decision? i'm tired of caring.

they're back

taking on jessica's public affair. sweet.

slacking on the updates...

so my trip to FL went amazingly well. the folks liked me (yay!) and it was just really good hanging out with my guy. he lives in a beautiful (well, for FL) part of the state and is close enough to civilization that it's bearable. i'm very excited that things are working out :-).

the thesis is coming along. i get to play with data today and try to figure out SOMETHING to do with it. i'm concerned that i won't get enough spousal interviews because the spouses have been a complete pain in the butt to try and schedule. :-P i need to start writing my literature review but i feel so completely lost with it. stupid master's thesis. i want to quit. someone give me a reason to not quit? oh right, because i have student loans....

i move next week. next thursday. i should post pictures of how packing is going (it's not). i have my bookshelf packed up...and that's it. :-[ i'll stop by stop and shop for some boxes today. or so i keep telling myself.

had fun hanging out with some kiddies last night. kathryn and i jumped on the trampoline for like an hour. it was so nice to feel like i was 7 again.

okay, this hyper child is off to the office to do some work. ciao!

quote of the night...

KW: i can't drink tonight. i drank too much beer monday

BC: but tonight's wednesday...

as wedding season begins to close, here's another tribute to that blissful event.

welcome back boys

okay, so it's not exactly how we should be starting football season (or more correctly, pre-season), but i'm so glad to have the EAGLES back. they were a little rough yesterday and eventually lost the game (16-10 raiders). thank goodness it's almost that time of year again. baseball's killing me.

there are so many reasons why i love the fall (or almost fall).

i should be working

my brain has gone on a second lunch break, so i'm going to blog for a few minutes and wait for it to return. today i'm trying to nail-down my research area. obviously it's going to be work and family...um, but that's just a bit broad. i initially started with multiple-job holders and family, but it's shifted. i think i'm going to look at how mothers and fathers experience the intersection of work and family differently. this has been done to death, but we'll see what i can add to that area...idk. maybe how the strategies of negotiating the intersection differs according to sex? i'd love to compare heterosexual couples to homosexual couples, but (surprisingly) there aren't a lot of the latter in our sample.

i've actually been wracking my brain since thursday to come up with something. i need to relax and just write and then look for the holes in the literature. it hasn't helped that i've lost my motivation since coming back from home. on top of all this, i haven't been as successful scheduling spousal interviews which leaves me with half of a family's story. sigh.

i guess this is all to say that i am feeling a little discouraged by research right now.

in other news, i went to a club in springfield this weekend. okay, guys: why do you feel the need to rub against girls while they're dancing, PARTICULARLY when they are giving you the "i don't want you all over me" cues? are you just dense or is another anatomical part in control? either way, take the cues or i might start taking kick-boxing lessons to ensure you get the cues. i'm all for dirty-dancing - it's whatever - but not with someone i have no interest in whatsoever. i also got "goosed" as some asshole was walking outside the club. loser.

church was good sunday. in conjunction with going through the sermon on the mount every week (a different guy has taught each week), they've been doing communion every week. at first i thought i'd just get used to it and it would lose its significance, but it's really been helping me to examine where i am that week and where i need to be. it's been amazing.

i'm planning to work a lot this week in the office because the pioneer valley is supposed to experience a heat wave for the next few days, with a heat index of 100+. as previously mentioned (twice actually) , i do not have a/c. therefore, i will live in my office, starbucks, woodstar, and anywhere else where there is good a/c and/or food.

okay, back to work for me.

oh, they'll have stuff to talk about...

so my brother's wedding was last weekend. i officially have a sister :-). the wedding was beautiful and everyone had such a great time. and apparently there was no need to ask if i had a good time ("someone enjoyed herself...."). i did because after not really drinking for 4 months, i let loose and drank rum and cokes all night. it was awesome. i danced with everyone who would dance with me and even a few that wouldn't. afterward, i somehow managed to change from the pink dress (i have no idea how - i do remember tripping and falling into a lot of furniture)and find my way to a club in philly. awesome.

if you want pictures, check out my flickr page (you'll need an account to see some of them) or email me and i'll send the album from kodak.

my trip home was too short. i ended up not being able to hang out with a bunch of people that i wanted to see (including mr. "dude i'm smiling" t. i need to set up a rotation for visitations. of course there'd be some people who are permanently there (no worries, mom and dad and the DRCers) but everyone else is going to get a number and have to wait their turn.

next trip back: the b-day weekend i think. entirely too far away. or perhaps just enough time for the family to stop talking about my drunkeness at the wedding...

oh man...hahaha

as someone who was once cheated on, i find this slightly enjoyable, if not slightly psychotic. it's like first wives club, but better.

nothing like a woman scorned.

it's me...

...in animated form :-)

here's the scoop

life's been a little out of balance this summer. more work than fun, but i guess it's been okay. but there will be fun in the next few weeks....

the countdown:
*6 days until i drive home with zoe in tow.
*7 days until i get a manicure/pedicure
*9 days until my brother's wedding
*10 days until i get to go to the beach with ms. b (both probably thoroughly hungover - she's also in a wedding that saturday)
*28 days until vacation
*43 days until i move
*56 days until the semester starts

have i mentioned i'm moving? i'm rooming with a girl from the dept (and her cat mufassa) in a three bedroom apt. it's almost across the street, which is sad because i don't want to move all my crap like 300 feet. they should just remodel my apt around my stuff so i don't have actually move it. especially my ikea desk that's about 8 years old now. it took me (no lie, folks) 6 hours to put together because the bolts are rusty and the desk actually weighs about half of me. and i don't want to move my bed. it's huge and will be a complete pain in the ass to move. ugh.

i am looking forward to it. the reason we picked the apt was because it was already painted. yellow downstairs in the living room and dining room, a dark seafoam green in our office, bright green in anna's room, and dark tan in my room (i like it because it's soothing).

anyway, back to work for me.

office 666

why didn't i think of this when all the snotty nosed seniors were coming to complain about their grades?

have you heard of "you shut"?.

seriously?

does suri cruise exist? possibly and dad and mom might be making her into a hobbit ...or is that a hermit. whatever. this proves that t.cruise is out of his beloved mind. what a freak show.

people i know are famous...

...well, they made ryan cormier's news journal online blog. not fame by any standard, but cool nonetheless.

here's jeff/drew's picture and here's the post (they're at the bottom). craziness.

quotes from hanging out with EmJay

in keeping with a tradition started by a former roommate of mine, i present some of the stupid things someone's said in a conversation from this summer:


"I was like, Everything is personal - I hate people!" - EmJay

"...Yeah and the years seem to go by quicklier...hahaha....'quicklier..." - me

slacking on the updates...

sorry.

i've been going to this church for a few weeks (i tried it out in the fall, but thought i'd search around a bit more). the church is composed of 99% college students/20-somethings seems to be geared to making church less intimidating. there's no visitor hand-raising, no tithe sermon (just a basket by the door), no ties/suits. it's very casual. i love it.

other than that, i've been hanging out with mj a lot. we played tennis saturday and watched movies. we saw nacho libre on friday. it's cheesy-cute. i mean, if you're expecting to see a high quality film, um, you shouldn't see this movie. but it was clean and funny, which i appreciated.

work has been...low key. i interrupted a meeting last week because of a low sodium level (i passed out). in my defense, we did have like 3 meetings planned for that week, which was a bit much. it was fabulous. i was trying to avoid the attention and kept saying "i'm okay, i'm okay" but no one believed me and one prof made me go to the health services. in retrospect, it was so good that she did, because i really needed to find out what caused me to faint, but it was so embarrassing.

16 days until i come home (yay!) and then 19 days until my brother ties the knot.

oh, and here's a picture of how not-fluffy zoe can be:

whiskey is not for kitties.

finally, a barbie i can relate to!

grad school barbie. she should also come with a monthly financial statement which tells her that she's up to her ears in debt and the grad barbie car (16 years old, complete with rust stains and a seatbelt that doesn't exactly work!). The grad barbie crumby apartment where all her furniture is used or from ikea and she's missing essential pieces (i.e. like a diningroom table), and her neighbors are crazy.

i heart phd

totally want this shirt.

it's always crazy in academia

how the heck did three weeks of my summer go by??? okay, so work has been extremely busy. it's been good though. i did my first interview ever yesterday. yay me. i got stuck in a horrible rain/hail storm on the way there and had to pull over to the side of I-91. it was fabulous. i've been reading a book that will probably be hugely influential in my own work about family and work. i have another interview schedule tomorrow. hopefully without the raging storm, but it's been very stormy up here in the last week, so i might still get stuck on the side of I-91 hating the rain, thunder, lightning and big-rig trucks who drive 55 when they should pull over too.

i did however, in all this craziness, take a break to spend some time with some aquatic mammals. dustin, laura and i drove out to gloucester, ma for whale-watching last sunday. it was so great. (if you have seen pics yet, click here) the humpbacks come up to the area in the late spring/early summer to eat and they eat for about 6 months before heading down south where they fast for about 5-6 months. pretty cool huh? we drove down from there to salem for dinner and then headed back to our little homes in western mass.

anyway, i'm playing texas hold'em this friday with laura, dustin, and mj. good times. too bad they don't sell yeungling up here. i hope to somehow enjoy my weekend perhaps with a little more photography :-).

in an effort to completely waste time

i have posted several video-links. please enjoy!

spock's crib. "holla"

in tribute to the wedding season, i give you pacabel's canon. yes.

in honor of the worldcup...

may not be appropriate for some adults, i.e. those without a sense of humor

the sunshine people represent my brother austin when we were kids (wait - how'd i get so old to say "when were were kids"? if there were another group of rainy/violent people, they would represent my brother preston and my reaction to the happy sunshine group.

a real simpson intro. awesome.

please excuse my extreme lack of blogging...

...i have no life.

i started the RA. it's really great. i love what i'm doing and what i'm researching. it's tough and sometimes more stressful than necessary but i like it nonetheless. i have my first interview next week, which means a lot of work practicing until then. i need to basically have the interview schedule memorized. good times.

more at another time, i.e. when i don't have a splitting headache.

anyway, for your entertainment, here's seth macfarlane's speech at harvard. all we had at UD was some crumby historian-author. :-\.

still being in school means that you haven't achieved adulthood yet.

how hot is your mac? so hot.

macs are hot. no, literally. as i previously mentioned, in what is the dumbest decision of the summer, i've opted for no air conditioning. this decision is not only detrimental to me and my furry little cat, but also affecting my laptop apparently. i've had my pb on a coolpad and despite that, with the hot-ass weather we've been having, it was very very hot to the touch.

rubberbands.

i have three rubberbands that i use to keep my blinds out of the way when the windows are open (apparently they have a tendency to fly off if allowed to be free while the wild-wind is a-blowin'). anyway, zoe hates this and is constantly trying to take them off. apparently, she succeeded a two nights ago, because when i woke up yesterday, the blinds were down. i tried to collect the evidence, but, ahem, she had hidden all three of the rubberbands. where you ask? she ate all of them. oh yes. ate them. all of them. she seems to be doing fine. but i hope she learns that the rubberbands are better serving as tie-backs rather than as an appetizer.

life, otherwise, has been insanely busy. sometimes i feel in over my head and i need to constantly remind myself that i belong here and that i'm more than able to do this job. constantly.

back to work. more later, i think.

hot & sweaty carla is not a happy carla

apparently massachusetts is in a hot-spell. this is fabulous considering we had a week of rain earlier in the month and it was freezing a week ago (and by freezing, i mean don't wear a short-sleeved shirt and jacket to boston when it's windy). now, i have two fans (and am buying another) on high, all the windows open, and very warm, furry kitten who is currently hiding under my big chair. poor thing. poor me. i've drank a lot of water but still haven't had to pee as frequently as i should have. in my most defiant (and stupid) move of the year, i've opted for no a/c. i'm trying to save moola. so no a/c. if i were in DE, this wouldn't be a problem because i'd go crash at my folks' house and go swimming, but here THERE ARE NO POOLS. okay, let me clarify - there are no pools that i would swim in. haha.

anyway. back to work. because i have lots and lots of work. :-\ apparently "summer break" is a euphemism for "still continuing in the all work, no play lifestyle."

check this out....

FABULOUS! (thanks to uncle ed for sending this to me)

shameless advertising for friends (and not friends)

Okay, so i'm planning to add to my recommended reading links, but thought i would first post some blatant recommendations for blogs/sites (#1 of which is for some good UD buddies).

1) The Barnshaw-Torres Film Review: disappointed with the film review entity "Ebert and Roeper" (if you recall, it used to be Siskel and Ebert until Ebert ate Siskel), John Barnshaw and Manuel Torres have begun their own film review site. You should check it out if you like sarcasm about films you probably haven't seen.

2) Gradish: This new network is aimed for grad students (current and former) to form an online community. Join it if you're poor, in school even though you've already gotten one degree (and/or are approaching the post-25 age group), and/or feel sleep-deprived as a result of reading Marx until 2am. It's super new and I say, why the hell not. You only live once and you might as well do it while being connected to other sad, lonely, and poor grad students.

3) Finally, Some Bostonian Soc prof: I don't know this guy, but his blog is pretty good. Check it out if you need to waste some time while you think of your thesis topic. Or if you're procrastinating.

what the hell?!

Needless to say, I'm pissed. This could be why we have horrible disaster management, our welfare policies are ineffective and criminal justice system is overwhelmed (and I would argue ineffective as well). Social sciences are completely undervalued with no sound reason.


U.S. SCIENCE POLICY:
Senate Panel Chair Asks Why NSF Funds Social Sciences
Jeffrey Mervis
Why is the National Science Foundation (NSF) funding a study of a women's cooperative in Bangladesh? Why are U.S. taxpayers footing the bill for efforts to understand Hungary's emerging democracy? And why are social scientists even bothering to compile an archive of state legislatures in a long-gone era when those legislators chose U.S. senators?

Senator Kay Bailey Hutchison (R-TX), chair of a panel that oversees NSF and a member of the powerful Senate Appropriations Committee, put those and other sharply worded questions to NSF Director Arden Bement last week during an unusually combative hearing on the agency's 2007 budget request. Hutchison signaled that she will be taking a hard look at NSF's $200-million-a-year social and behavioral sciences portfolio, which funds some 52% of all social science research done by U.S. academics and some 90% of the work by political scientists. Hutchison made it clear during the 2 May hearing that she doesn't think the social sciences should benefit from President George W. Bush's proposal for a 10-year doubling of NSF's budget as part of his American Competitiveness Initiative (Science, 17 February, p. 929 ). And she suggested afterward to Science that she's open to more drastic measures.

"I'm trying to decide whether it would be better to put political science and some other fields into another [government] department," she said. "I want NSF to be our premier agency for basic research in the sciences, mathematics, and engineering. And when we are looking at scarce resources, I think NSF should stay focused on the hard sciences."

Last week's hearing was not the first time Hutchison has taken a shot at NSF's support of the social sciences. In a 30 September 2005 speech honoring the winners of the annual Lasker medical research awards, she backed a doubling of NSF's budget but added that social science research "is not where we should be directing [NSF] resources at this time." Hutchison tipped her hand a few months before the hearing by asking NSF officials for abstracts of grants funded by the Directorate for Social, Behavioral, and Economic Sciences (SBE) going back several years. But the harshness of last week's attack caught the community by surprise, leaving social scientists and their supporters scratching their heads about how best to respond.

"In some ways, it's SBE that tackles the most challenging scientific questions, because its research investigates people's behavior and touches on the most sensitive issues in our society," noted Neal Lane, a physicist and former NSF director now at Rice University in Houston, Texas. "So I'm not surprised that it's been hard to articulate how it connects to innovation and improving the nation's competitiveness."

Aletha Huston, a developmental psychologist at the University of Texas, Austin, who wrote a letter to Hutchison before the hearing defending NSF-funded work by herself and colleagues at UT's Population Research Center, points out that "if you want to understand how to remain competitive, you need to look at more than technology, ... at the organizational and human issues that play a role."

Hutchison says she hasn't decided how to translate her concerns into legislation. One option would be to limit spending for the social sciences in the upcoming 2007 appropriations bill for NSF. Another approach would be to curtail the scope of NSF's portfolio in legislation enacting the president's competitiveness initiative or reauthorizing NSF's programs.

In the meantime, says sociologist Mark Hayward, who heads the UT population center, it would be a mistake for social scientists to ignore her concerns. "We have to be persistent and consistent in our message," says Hayward, who along with Huston hasn't heard back from Hutchison. "We can't just say, 'My goodness, she's not paying attention.' "

mid afternoon update

in case you were wondering what the hell is going on in my life, we've successfully averted WW3 in the soc dept (collective cheer), although only with the european intervention. other than that, this paper about globalization and disaster is not turning out like i had planned. what the hell went wrong? oh, right my thesis isn't that great on 900th review. in fact, i give it two thumbs way down.

okay, off to TA. yay - i get to go home and iron soon.

blaine

okay, i don't want to talk trash on david blaine, considering that he did fail at his stunt and all in front of millions of people. however, i feel jipped. the deal was "failure means death." way to get out of that one dearest.

i have nothing to say

school is still sucking, but at least there is only a limited time that the sucking will continue (okay, that might sound dirty and i apologize). i started on a paper that i am basing on my senior thesis (yay honduras and hurricane mitch!). the warning paper might just be bs which i will send to the profs and never ever touch again because that dataset is AWFUL and i don't want to work with it AGAIN. ever. despite what i said to get it.

still no word on the job thing. you know how wonderful it would be if i opened my inbox tomorrow and saw and email saying "we love you. please work for us" (okay, it can be worded differently)? it would kick ass. actually it would be better than that but i don't have an idiom that will fit. i love how long they're prolonging this damn process. i might have to beg on the streets on noho. please pay me even if my guitar playing sucks (and it would because i don't really know how to play). i keep reminding myself that if the job doesn't work out, i'll still be okay and i can find something else. i just worry about the whole getting kicked out because i can't make rent incessantly.

at least there are good things planned this weekend. yay the weekend!

12 days...WOO-FRICKIN-HOO

14 days of misery left...

must make it to finish line...must finish work...must not check out and think about how to beat bowser in super mario bros 3...must not give up...

ugh!

you gotta love philly fans

because in philly, we don't take no s**t in sports, we give it

fisherman frank

i need to post a picture, but i have yet to really discuss my friend "frank." frank is a mannequin who is currently a resident on damon road. he stands outside a fishing shop, but near to the road. i drive past him nearly everyday. sometimes he's holding a fish, but usually he's just chillin' in his rubber-fisher-pant things (i'm sure there's a name for them, but i can't recall it). i usually brake thinking that i'm going to hit poor frank (and that he's a real person), and this after living here for about 9 months. if i end up moving to noho center, i'm going to miss frank dearly.

aside from this, life is okie dokie. i'm almost done school AND there's some fun stuff going on next weekend. yay for happy things. and i only have twenty more papers to grade. hopefully there will still be some jewels left to post. i plan to finish them off tomorrow, which will leave one paper, one stats hw (yet to be distributed) and a preliminary data analysis write-up to do. WOO-HOO.

PS - i'm debating whether i like this new template - what do you think?

another quote...

"the criminal justice system cannot and should not regulate [prostitution] because because it is a clear violation of our 1st amendment rights."

later...

"To allow morphine to be used in hospitals, but not in the streets in contradictive. If doctors can possess certain drugs and other cannot, then how is it not a violation of the equal protection clause in the 14th amendment?"

target practice.

the first semester of grad school was like this too.

the best of the worst, part 2: updated 3 may

i'm grading again, which means you have the lovely fortune of reading the best worst comments in their papers (the topic is morality and decriminalization prostitution, drugs, and pornography):

[my favorite]: "Pornography to me is a great thing. Because it doesn't hurt anybody and it brings many people pleasure"

"people know that prostitution is illegal, and if they silicate, their personal lives may come into question" [silicate: Any of numerous compounds containing silicon, oxygen, and one or more metals; a salt of silicic acid.]

"Again, it can never be determined what pornography is being used for."

"It is hard to define what a drug is because yes, it alters your mood, but so do millions of other things, like an argument with a family member; yet an argument is not a drug."

"Legitimate people work hard to go through college, get a good paying job to support themselves and a family, yet, they get robbed of their earnings at tax time. Then on the other hand, we have prostitutes and other sex workers that are engaging in illegal activity that get to keep their money "tax free"! [the author then goes on to claim that prostitutions should be legalized]

"This is quite paradoxical due to the fact that our government is steadfast about the idea of separation of church and state. This just seems paradoxical to me."

"If prostitution was to be made legal, and the prostitutes were monitored as in Nevada, why not make it legal? It is a good way for single mothers who do not have a male figure in their life to support themselves."

"My opinion on the matter [pornography] is that if you are one of those people who are repulsed by pornography, do not watch it. If you like it, enjoy."

"The moral issues with prostitution are endless, but never mind them." [remember: the assignment was to talk about morality and the criminal issue...]

"For example, my roommate and her boyrfriend of two months broke up over the physical need he had to always have his hand on her. In spite the independent woman that she is, she dealt with the smothering. Who wouldn't when your dinner was bought for you every night and you received at least two gifts of high quality each week. She prostituted her girlfriend status for presents." [Congrats, the woman's movement has officially ended.]

"hello i'm a mac"

"...and i'm a pc"

awesome.

the cat lady.

if i ever become this woman shoot me and the cats.

oh, and this is courtesy of bruce.

home.

i find myself feeling very homesick today. i'm not sure why. i just want to be in delaware, with my family and friends. maybe i'm just lonely.

i know that i can't wait to come home.

i was going to wait and just post this on flickr, but i can't. tell me what you think of my new found tricks. (look for some more on flickr):

yay football.

i don't mind living among all the redsox fans. i'm beginning to like it myself (i don't ever know when the games are though, but i have a hat!). but there is NOTHING as great a football. the NFL draft was yesterday. woo-hoo! the eagles scooped up some good guys (i can't wait to go home to hear my dad's analysis of the draft...). i personally think they need to some magic to get a new QB soon. i like mcnabb and i think he's great, but we need to start training a new guy and the past backups have been...um, sub-par (i mean, detmer did okay, but now not so much). anyway, if we can avoid injuries and egotistical f-heads this coming season, we'll be good! i'm excited for what the new season will bring. C'MON PRE-SEASON!!!!!!

today is working working working. i'm kicking myself out of the apt for a while so i can actually get stuff done. yesterday, i was doing well and then had this epiphany that my apartment should be REALLY cleaned (including dusting...which i hate to do). so instead of reading on the feminist critque of world system theory i did that. and then i worked on stats with my friends (which is hopefully done after that ninth time i printed it). and then i attempted to work at 7-8p but nothing happened. so i need to get stuff done.

okay, i'm out!

leftovers...

i ran across this map of nyc homicides as i was waking up and trying to mentally prepare myself to read feminist critiques of world-system theory (here's the article that goes with it). it's really cool. they tell you the murderer and victim's sex, race, and age, the "motive" and how it happened. of course, being a sociologist, i wanted to also see area average SES, population density, and perhaps the average crime rate per bourough (since i don't know NYC well enough). but it's really cool if you get a chance to glance it over.

and, thankfully, the train wreck continues...

not that i like the talkshow the view AT ALL, but how the hell can you replace meredith vieira with rosie o'donnell? who becomes the smart one? it can't be any of them. barbara walters will have to make more appearances, otherwise rosie will revert to koosh-ball slinging. they didn't plan that one out so well.

please make it end...

i'm so tired. i feel like when i'm running and i can see my finish point, but not close enough to it. :-(

okay, i'll try to refrain from the "feel sorry for carla" posts, but i'm totally feeling overwhelmed, so no promises.

ha! improve community for 200+ hrs when i could serve 5 days in jail? obviously. (actually the whole damn site is good if you like useless celebrity gossip, which i do...)

i totally want to do this, only in coffeeshops in noho. cuz, seriously...it's awesome.

procrastin-X

thanks to bruce:

Do you suffer?
And then I found out about Procrastin-X
Symptoms may include...

[frown]

1) i hate grad school
2) i hate not knowing what is going to happen this summer (and the future generally)
3) i feel like a moron
4) my allergies are making breathing difficult. unforunately.
5) i need a hug.

3 more weeks.

it's hard to believe it, but the semester is in the home stretch. three more weeks, 70+ papers to grade, 225 finals to grade, one paper to write, one preliminary paper, and two more stats homeworks and i will have become a 2nd year grad student. yay me. needless to say, it's been extremely crazy busy the last few days and everyone is stressed out and cranky. this might only get worse. academics are a moody group. seriously. beware. i might have rants and bitch-fests for the next few weeks.

my mom came up last weekend. it was absolutely wonderful :-). zoe laid off the "nip" for the weekend and behaved herself until she warmed up to my mom and then she became a terrorist. my mom and i crammed in the MA experience: boston, hiking, Easter dinner with the neighbor, and yankee candle (90K square feet of scented wax and home decoration stuff). we didn't actually do the noho thing, but that means we'll do it when she (hopefully) comes up this summer. the only thing missing from the visit was my dad, but it was still a lot of fun.

i get to go home in a few weeks. this could potentially screw me over, but it'll be good because i want to see my family so badly. plus, i'm speaking at my alma mater :-D.

okay, back to reading on world-system theory. sigh.

goodbye freedom of the press...

with the current administration, i'm sure we all know how this will go.

goodbye checks on the government. you were a good idea, but not to the people in power.

i want a vw too

i'm seriously addicted to the VW commercials. is there a rehab for that?

singing in the rain

it's definitely sucking.

what time is it?

we're going to unpimp your ride

thank goodness i play on my snes

this takes real life video games to a whole new level.

a window in the mac world?!

tainted love.

the best thing i've heard all day...

"Sometimes these restrictions are quite restrictive"

ah, if only i can sound so eloquent when i get my ph.d.

*ahem*

okay, i'd like to address the common thought that social science is not really a "science." i know people who consider themselves to be "real scientists," doing work in labs and whatnot chuckle to themselves when sociologist call themselves social "scientists," but let's consider: what is science? a systematic study of phenomena? believe me, my stats and methods class assure you that i'm studying social phenomena systematically. what we study is applied to policy (often not frequently enough) and influences how we shape our social worlds. why do biological, chemical, engineering, and other natural "scientists" think themselves as the only "scientists" around? i, personally, would think that with heads that big, it would be painful to also have them in their asses, but that's just me. i'm a social scientist and we wouldn't understand the physiological effects of heads in anal cavaties...we like to be able to see when we're studying.

of course, social science isn't "precise" like "natural sciences." we can't calculate the necessary individuals with particular characteristics that will cause a social reaction like chemists for chemical reactions nor will we ever come up with a theory of social evolution like biologists have for biology. social life is much more complex that silly little atoms or a linear theory of existence. i'd like to see a "natural scientist" tell me how workplace discrimination works. i'd like them to explain to me how disasters are a "purely natural event" if they occur in the middle of the ocean without so much as a peep. i'd like them to explain to me why civic participation has decreased in the last 100 years. i'd like them to tell me how it is that despite being one of the wealthiest countries in the world, there are still starving people in the U.S. (and to not use the word lazy...).

why can't you explain this? because you're in a lab study one small aspect of the natural world. what you do is important. i know this. without computer engineers, i would not have my lovely mac to enjoy. however, "natural scientists" if you got out of your little worlds, your laboratories, you might see that, hey, we can't explain the whole world with our science. perhaps without those crazy social science kids, we might still be living in the plessy era.

thank you.

not quotable? you must be kidding.

so, for anyone concerned about the oil spill from my car, it's all good. the boys at honda fixed 'er up good...and then told me about the other two issues with my car. SOOOO i need to start looking for a new car. good times. but the oil isn't leaking. and there's no burning smell. yay me.

yum.

my new favorite food is vanilla yogurt with pieces of nutrigrain bar (or the stop and shop derivative) mixed in. i know some people just gagged, and i apologize, but i think it's super good. mj asked where i got the idea to mix the two together and i honestly don't know how i thought of this yummy mixture. it's good though. seriously.

"Does Barry Manilow know that you raid his wardrobe?"

Given the "high" quality of education in the state of Delaware, thank God i was homeschooled.

i saw the breakfast club on the big screen last night in amherst. it was awesome, of course. only two people decided to wear 80s garb and they looked like they weren't even around when the movie came out. irene (from switzerland) enjoyed the film but was completely baffled by the idea high school stereotypes. given my American background, i'm familiar with the stereotypes, but i didn't actually attend highschool (see above) so i think i'm exempt. unfortunately, if i had attended highschool, i would have been a "brian" (obviously, a female version), but the social science version, because i got an A in physics, but i'm not sure how. oh, and congrats again to kathryn for her one and "one and only statistical chance at winning something." sorry that you can't ever win the lottery now. a free dvd is cooler anyway.

for my friends who think i'm always defending my home state, here's about the best description i've ever read:
"Wilmington, Del. is an interesting place to live. Not only is it the chemical and banking capital of the world, but our stretch of I-95 allows for some of the most vibrant drug trafficking on the East Coast. It’s safe to assume that a large portion of our solid economy is dependent upon the crackheads and potheads who patronize Denny’s at 2 in the morning for a late-night snack. That’s just further proof that junkies are a necessity in our free-market economy." (DE kid's blog thing)

this, mind you, isn't permission to talk smack on DE. only delawareans can do that. seriously, it's in our constitution (Jefferson told the writers it would be a good idea to add it to article 13, section 9 as a "in case the state begins to suck botton and people from other states begin to point and talk smack" safety net). so there.

okay, so i just read a thesis on connect four. (and when i say "read" i really mean skimmed because it's based on mathematics and i'm not so good after a certain point). fabulous! i wish i could write a thesis on the sims or super mario bros 3 because that would kick ass. of course, this is unrealistic and i'll probably do something on work. yay me.

in other news...wait, there isn't any other news. i had sushi last night with kathryn, irene and laura. it was good. i tried spider roll. it might be another thing that i have to try three times to like. today will be a fun-filled day of reading and/or writing. i need to set up my paper on self-reported warning behavior so when i actually get around to doing analysis on some data, i can just pop it in there. i think i'm going to use exploratory factor analysis for this data because, honestly, i'm lost as to what else to do with it. haha. we'll see if anything actually comes out of it.

okay, that's all. there's work to do and a cat whose furry butt is making me insane.

oh, those crazy DRCers

my friends are so much cooler than your friends.

way to go kiddos.

oh, and PS

in an unusually cruel move, mother nature decided she would wait four days to unleash her april fool's day joke. from 73 and flip-flops last friday to snow and mittens today.

good one momma N - you got us!

soc kids love us some webjunk!

on days when grad school might possible suck ass, we send each other videos. yay webjunk. keep cranking it out kiddos!

cuz i want it that way

numa

manamana

german coast guard to the rescue!

the importance of being bilingual. (this one's actually from my grandma)

love it

a comment from a student's reaction paper:

"I sorta find disturbing that police get free liquor. Didn't they collect enough of my own liquor during freshman year?"

songs and feet

okay, first off, "Lord I Lift Your Name on High" should be retired. like, should never ever be sung again. ever. ever, ever. secondly, if you do decide to break the newly founded rule (see above), you shouldn't do it at a tempo of "let's fall asleep." especially on "spring ahead" weekend. people are sleepy and might revolt in church. and sleepy church people revolting is not pretty...or, so i've been told.

just had to get that out of my system.

spring is here, my friends! the undergrads just started showing blindingly pale legs (the reason i don't wear shorts...most people didn't believe me last summer when i said i was tan) and the flip flops have emerged! yay flip-flips! i do have a pet peeve about flip-flops and toes: ladies, paint your toe nails. feet are ugly and if it were socially appropriate, i would say guys should also do something like painting their toe nails to make their feet more attractive. and painted toenails have little to do with the repressive beauty-oriented society. it just makes your feet a little easier to look at. there are many ugly feet that should be permanently socked. do your part and create a better world.

thank you.

love me some apples.

hells yeah. (I've been meaning to post this for a while and just never remembered.

busy busy busy

and i used to use that stuff when i was a kid...

it's going to be an insanely busy couple of days. i'll come back later. promise.

stepping off her soapbox...

so, sorry about yesterday's rant...

anyway, yesterday was a not-so-productive day. well, it was in the AM and then i had to go to pro-sem, which was more interesting than i thought it would be, and then i don't know where the afternoon went (actually i do - kathryn and i (and ozlem) meant to do work, but somehow ended up chatting the whole time...). after that, i had to help proctor an exam. i hate proctoring. it's so boring to try to catch people cheat, so i took the exam with them. if any of those little bastards fail, they're dumb as larry the cable guy (nope, not kidding). and one probably is. he "finished" the exam (which consisted of 90 multiple-choice questions and three short answer) in 25 minutes. fabulous. i bet i still have his paper too. and i bet it has a big fat FAIL on it.

in current news, zoe has been draggin a string around the apt this morning. apparently she successfully managed to get it off the doorknob from which it was hanging. she's so proud.

it's the sick who need a doctor...

[if you're easily offended by Christianity, please don't read this]

so in a conversation with a friend the other day, the topic of church came up. a friend of hers seems to be afraid to come to church because she's not living "right." this pissed me off in so many ways. not that the friend didn't want to go to church, but that she felt like she had to meet some standard before coming to church. i know how she feels because i also felt that way two years ago, as if i had to fix myself before finding God. before i royally screwed up, though, i was one of those who made people feel uncomfortable. but it shouldn't be that way. doesn't matt 9:12 says, "On hearing this, Jesus said, 'It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.'"? Christ's whole ministry was with the prostitutes, the tax-collectors, the unfaithful, the broken, the outcasts and the sick. and yet, the church has become this place for the "right" or the "holy." why?

shouldn't church be like a triage? shouldn't the benches be filled with the people who just aren't sure there's a Savior but want to come to see anyway? shouldn't we be reaching out to the people that society doesn't want? moreover, what makes us able to judge who's "right" and who's "holy"? i know i have more things wrong with me than right, most times. how can we sit back and judge who "belongs" in church and who doesn't? the whole point of our faith, the whole crux of why Christ came was that we can't do it ourselves. "There is no one righteous, not even one. There is no one who understands, no one who seeks God..." (see Rom 3:10-18). we're all a mess. and church should be the last place where we feel like we have to hide that mess.

since i've run out of space on flickr...

sir neurotic-a-lot

the only remotely "surprising" thing about this is that documents were "leaked."

it's okay, apples are better for you anyway.

in other news, i have found someone who's so neurotic, insecure and paranoid that he makes me look normal. no, really. the drama that's been happening on a listserve i subscribe to has been fabulous. i don't even need to watch grey's anatomy to get quality soap opera quality action (no sex though - or at least, none that i know of...thankfully - some people are better off as ameobas). all i have to say on that matter is that we're not an inner circle and an outer circle: we're a dysfunctional family, complete with the crazy old uncle, the weird cousin who thinks he's better than you, and the prissy aunt. and some of us don't participate because we don't want the crazies from this family to get us - you, sir neurotic-a-lot, are the big crazie.

so easily amused

we had some ceiling tiles fall in our normal seminar room causing concern about asbestos, so all of our classes are being moved to other places on campus. my favorite quote from the whole issue: "this is a pain, but preferable to lung cancer."

sometimes it's better to be in the dark...

"As surgeons, there are so many things we have to know. We have to know we have what it takes. We have to know how to take care of our patients... and how to take care of each other. Eventually, we even have to figure out how to take care of ourselves. As surgeons we have to be in the know. But as human beings, sometimes it's better to stay in the dark, because in the dark there may be fear, but there's also hope." - Meredith Grey

highs and lows

i'm checking the weather for today and tomorrow and i actually said, "hey, it's going to be nice tomorrow!" the high: 48 degrees. it's happen - i've acclimated to the new england lifestyle. wonderful!

remember, remember the fifth of november

ps - if i haven't said anything to you yet, go see v for vendetta. despite the awful review from the news journal critic (seriously - like anyone outside of newark cares...), it's amazing.

are you still reading this? go! go watch it!

"working men of all countries, UNITE!"

i spent the afternoon reading the communist manifesto. the was the first time i've read it in its entirity and i have to say i was somewhat amused, but found it horribly painful. first off, marx/engels, run-on sentences and improper punctuations are a "no-no." okay, so that said, it was amusing in that it was so dramatic in places. maybe i can't relate because i'm not living in the middle of an industrial revolution or in 19th century prussia where i'm about to get a beat-down from some nice ol' conservatives. my favorite line: "let the ruling classes tremble at a communistic revolution." haha, i want that on a t-shirt. second favorite line: "the 'dangerous class' [lumpenproletariat] the social scum, that passively rotting mass thrown off by the lowest layers of the old society..." damn boys! be nice.

[insert smooth transition here] ...if you're looking for some interesting reading (specifically on religion), i highly recommend this book. my aunt was kind enough to send it to me after reading my post questioning whether i could balance a career in academia and faith. i'm only in the third chapter, but i'm really eager to get through it. i think, for me, it's been really interesting because i just finished reading for a three-work module on secularization. for someone who was brought up religious, it was really discouraging. anyway, i'd recommend the book if you're trying to learn more about Christianity, especially if you believe but have doubts about whether it could really be true. okay, i'm done now.

my little brother comes to visit me tomorrow. i'm psyched!

sociological publicity

it has come to my attention that sociologists aren't good with PR, because if we were, NY Times would have picked up on this a long time ago. i learned all that in my first year of undergrad. if we had done studies on the gene mutation that caused such-and-such disease, it would have been front page news the next day. and that's not a slight at all to our sisters and brothers in other natural science disciplines. they know how to get their findings out to the general public. sociologists, not so much.

scuba steve aka my little leprechan aka sparkly hat dude

so yesterday was the epicentric holiday of the drinking calendar. (that would be st. patrick's day, for anyone not aware of this.) in keeping with tradition, i hung out with the cool cats from DRC. we started at piece of ireland where some random guy gave me beads, and then decided to prepare our stomachs for drinking at TGIFriday's. it was at this point that i realized that i was wearing guy beads that read something to the effect of "me hat is not the only big thing." haha.

after dinner, we went to bennigans where we paid a $10 cover for a crappy green mug and a crappier cover band. fabulous. after deciding that i really couldn't drink beer, we all went inside where manuel and i did a carbomb.

so eventually a guy wearing a sparkly green hat comes up and tries to order a drink. since i was sitting at the bar, i order his beer for him and then (of course) we started talking, a conversation in which he (from DE) used an irish accent. oh yes "lads and lasses" an irish accent. first off, he forgot my name within two minutes of hearing it. okay in terms of grading, that's a loss of at least five points. apparently, he does R&D for a scuba equipment company. he even showed me his scuba license. haha. poor guy. he was trying so hard. but i'm not easily impressed anymore, so it takes more than a scuba license to do it for me.

because students are dumb sometimes

(before people get up in arms about this, i will happily include myself in this category. especially since i apparently have bad grammar. go me.)

apparently i'm not the only one collecting "jewels" from students' papers

today, i had a student turn in a paper THREE WEEKS LATE. he lost 15/50 points for being late and didn't even do the assignment correctly so he lost another 8 points and 1 point for grammar. what the hell kid? seriously, if i were the prof, i wouldn't have accepted the paper. it was a complete waste of time. poor kid. he didn't even get a "F." and i didn't get any funny comments.

and completely unrelated: good for you mrs. brady. go hypnotize those crazy, washed-up, attention-starved stars out of their emotional trauma of living with other crazy, washed-up, attention-starved stars.

ramblings.

my students sadly didn't include any more funny comments. if they're going to write crap, the least they can do is make it mildly entertaining with a few dumb-ass comments. seriously. ah, well. i'm done grading now.

kick-ass shirt! (i wish brown were my color...)

in other news, sadly, chef will no longer be on southpark because it's not personal until it's about scientology. i think they should write an episode about how a cult is taking over hollywood and sucking out the brains of normally intelligent...okay, that's a bit much, at least "functional" people. c'mon isaac! they make fun of everything and everyone. sigh. now who will sing sultry songs about salty chocolate balls?

that's awesome.

i hope that God eventually shows favor on me and gives me a paper like this one. because that would just about kick ass.

and the winners are...*updated*

i have a few quotes from my students' papers that i found funny:

“The very fact that every human existed once as a fetus inside a woman’s stomach…”

“And although gambling can hurt you, it can also make you very rich, and if it’s morally wrong to become rich, I think I’d rather be dead”

“Whether a decision is made to keep abortion legalized or deem it criminal [the authors] are correct in stating that the battle will never end as long as women can still reproduce” [apparently we’re supposed to stop eventually?]

“I have homosexual friends and they are just like human beings” [i guess “just like” is close enough?]

“One argument suggests that abortion should be made illegal because religious theology posits it as murder” [thanks for writing the redundant paper on redudancy]

"If the government legalizes homosexuality and abortion a lot of citizens will be upset and protest, which is not good publicity"

"Next comes in the fact that in some states believe two men or two women having sexual relations is illegal. I for one believe that, that is a bunch of baloney"

home.

Another summer day
Is come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm

Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh I miss you, you know

And I've been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
"I'm fine baby, how are you?"
Well I would send them but I know that it's just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aerorplane
Another sunny place
I'm lucky I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I've got to go home

Let me go home
I'm just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I'm living someone else's life
It's like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
But this was not your dream
But you always believe in me

Another winter day has come
And gone away
And even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I'm surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel alone
Oh, let go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home
I've had my run
Baby, I'm done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all right
I'll be home tonight
I'm coming back home

"i love it when you talk statistics to me. it gets me excited in ways i can't explain"

i'm getting better at stats, which i feel is a huge accomplishment. i may still fail the homeworks because while i understand what's going on when sanjiv does it, i usually find a way to mess it up on my own. it's usually a really dumb error, which makes me feel a little better, but still sucks. i do, however, finally get MCAR, MAR, MNAR, and several of the options to deal with them. AND i finally think i understand homoskedasticity v. heteroskedasticity. AND i think i may have successfully calaculated a regression by hand. woo-hoo!!!

in other news, the dept. is still intact. good for us. we'll see if anything happens now. i had a lot of fun after the meeting when we were all hanging out at ABC. we're a great bunch. i didn't actually drink and have to say that people are funny to watch when you're sober. i say this knowing that i've been at the other end of the comment. yeah. moving on...

aside from that goodness that resulted, i have to admit that i'm a tad bit annoyed with the bs politics. it's stupid petty, insecure crap that's starting to get annoying and in my way. i just want to sit people down and say, "hey, the dept is not about you or you or you AND DEFINITELY NOT YOU, or you or you..." seriously, people, this is higher ed, in case you didn't notice. most of us graduated middle-school, which means there are no popularity contests, no playground fights, no purpose to all of this. get your s**t together and BE AN ADULT.

okay. i think i'm done.

simply fabulous

it's been a crazy couple days, so this is going to be short because i'm playing catch-up. things will hopefully be better after tomorrow afternoon, or at least all the sociology grad students plan to be super drunk at ABC. yay us.

the pic is from boston. my new motto is "everyone needs a friend to take ridiculously silly pictures with." lauren, you are such a person. my life would be purposeless without you. haha. in related news, i'm getting good at taking self-portraits.

that's all for tonight. tune in soon when i have time to post something great. i'm off to write four propositions on whether secularization exists or not. yay me.

living in the middle

so i went to a church group last night. it was for 20-somethings and i had a good time, save the fact that i was the only single and NON-PREGNANT female there. oh yes, they were all married 20-somethings with buns in the ovens. (no worries - i didn't drink the water, just in case) i asked if there were going to be more singles involved and of course they thought that i wanted to use it as match.com, which i don't. it's just been my experience that married couples have different priorities than singletons.

anyway, i had an uncomfortable feeling last night after i left the 20-something group. there's really no place for me as a Christian academic. as an acedmic i'm supposed to be above needing religion, and to think that Christianity is a particularly hideous version (and for some obvious reasons, some with which i'd agree). as a Christian, i'm supposed to think that academic are too lofty, too rational, and that academic thought is completely inapplicable to my faith, when in fact i see a lot of times when it is not. i am the outcast of both communities. i feel so alienated. to say that i believe in Christ in academia would get me laughed at, and to say i believe in intellectual achievement in Christianity will get me a lecture. is there a way to make both religion, or even having a faith in God and Christ, work with being an intellectual? how can i accomplish this? can i make a middle-ground work or am i doomed to be the free-floating Christian academic who is silent in both areas?

part of the issue is that i'm still trying to navigate my faith. since the "incident" happened almost two years ago, i've had thoughts of why i should be rational and above needing religion. and i know, as a sociologist, that we tend to the faith of our parents, but i've come to the conclusion that i want to be Christian, that it's my choice and that i like what faith brings to my life. but how do i do this? as someone who's single and pursuing a career as the central focus of her life, how do i make this whole thing work? i want to give up because i'm not sure i can...

I'm dying to know, do you do you like dreaming of things, so impossible or only the practical

so i've recently become obsessed with taking pictures. i started a couple weeks ago as a way to "express" how i was feeling because words just didn't seem to cut it. anyway, it's been a great way for me to attempt to relax or at least gather my thoughts.

a lot of time has gone into what i want my life to be. i've realized that i'm a fairly boring person with so little to say beyond academic-ese. what happened to me? last year was so great and so much fun and now i come home do work, and hang out with my cat (which i love, don't get my wrong). i just wish i knew where i was going or at least how to enjoy the ride. i'm too young to be watching tv so often. i think entirely too much about the future that i'm starting feel like i'm missing the present. i need to fix this and soon...

boston.

so i went to boston yesterday. i loved it. it's a great city. i can't wait to go back.

i took the green line in from riverside and met up with liz (after some confusion about where i was...). we walked around and she showed me newbury street, the commons, frog pond, the original filene's basement (i'm still not sure what the big deal is...), and BU. we grabbed lunch at a cute thai restaurant, and i have to admit that i don't think i'm all about thai...i know i'm so unsophisticated.

after that, i waited for several hours (okay, 20 minutes, but it was snowing and cold) for a T back to copley so i could meet up with lauren and manuel. i called lauren to see where she was and she and i have a "lovely" fight (i was tired, cold and lost and she was just defensive, confused and annoyed):
me: "i'm by the big shiny building."
lauren: "what big shiny building? you need to come to the prudential center. we're in the mall"
me: [grumbling and other pissed-off speak]

(later)me: "now, i'm by the mariott."
lauren: "we aren't in the mariott."
me: "no f**k. i don't know how to get there. come find me. i'm by the california pizza kitchen."

no worries, we were fine after finding each other. somehow in the midst of trying to find her and john, though, i lost one of my gloves. sigh. we spent the afternoon shopping/chatting (i bought headphones because i forgot to bring mine...a mistake). it was so good to see my buddies. after dinner manuel, lauren and i went to a "maxim" approved bar (no, seriously...) to hang out and chat. it was fun. until i realized that i lost my hat somewhere as we were walking to the train station. sigh...it's my favorite. manuel is my hero for going to find it.

so in all: lost a glove, lost a hat, and gained crappy headphones that didn't stay in my ears. :-\ it's a good thing everything else was fun.

(i've posted my pics from the day here, but i'll probably also put them on the gallery because i ran out of monthly uploads at flickr :-(. sorry.)