living in the middle

so i went to a church group last night. it was for 20-somethings and i had a good time, save the fact that i was the only single and NON-PREGNANT female there. oh yes, they were all married 20-somethings with buns in the ovens. (no worries - i didn't drink the water, just in case) i asked if there were going to be more singles involved and of course they thought that i wanted to use it as match.com, which i don't. it's just been my experience that married couples have different priorities than singletons.

anyway, i had an uncomfortable feeling last night after i left the 20-something group. there's really no place for me as a Christian academic. as an acedmic i'm supposed to be above needing religion, and to think that Christianity is a particularly hideous version (and for some obvious reasons, some with which i'd agree). as a Christian, i'm supposed to think that academic are too lofty, too rational, and that academic thought is completely inapplicable to my faith, when in fact i see a lot of times when it is not. i am the outcast of both communities. i feel so alienated. to say that i believe in Christ in academia would get me laughed at, and to say i believe in intellectual achievement in Christianity will get me a lecture. is there a way to make both religion, or even having a faith in God and Christ, work with being an intellectual? how can i accomplish this? can i make a middle-ground work or am i doomed to be the free-floating Christian academic who is silent in both areas?

part of the issue is that i'm still trying to navigate my faith. since the "incident" happened almost two years ago, i've had thoughts of why i should be rational and above needing religion. and i know, as a sociologist, that we tend to the faith of our parents, but i've come to the conclusion that i want to be Christian, that it's my choice and that i like what faith brings to my life. but how do i do this? as someone who's single and pursuing a career as the central focus of her life, how do i make this whole thing work? i want to give up because i'm not sure i can...